Last week walking down Hang Trong towards the lake two moto's stopped in the middle of Nha Tho. There were two guys on one moto - two girls on the other. One of the guys jumps of, pulls the girl-driver off by her hair and stars punching her in the face!
We start screaming "stop!" - others pull up by the side, but no one except the other girl does something to try to stop him...
The girls run towards the church in her high heals - he chases her, punches her till she's on the ground screaming. She gets up and runs and tries to hide between the rather big crowd and finally a guy pulls the violent man by his arms and stops him.
The girl has blood running down from her lips - she looks dead scared. We start walking again, stunned and scared. I've never seen anyone hit a girl like that. I have never seen anyone hit a girl in my life! I felt paralysed - afraid to butt in. Maybe it's an excuse, maybe an explaination, but I'm a girl, tiny of size and I wouldn't have the strength to hold him down and stop him. But what about the 20 something guys standing around just looking doing nothing? Why didn't they try to stop him?
I didn't understand what was wrong as the guy was yelling at her in Vietnamese, but it was obvious they knew each other - and maybe there's some codex here in VN saying you don't mess with other people's domestic affairs? I don't think there's anything in the world that justifies domestic violence and when you take it to the streets of Hanoi, you'd except someone to react, step in, try to help. I don't think I have a guy-friend who wouldn't try to step in if he saw a girl getting beat up in the middle of the street...
Why was everyone so passive? I don't understand....
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9 comments:
Jesus...fights are just like car accidents: many times, you can't help but stare slackjawed and helpless.
I have to say, if I'd been there I would have stepped in... I don't think I could have stopped myself, it just sounds vicious and over-the-top... though having said that, I don't think I would like to guess what might have happened to me if I had stepped in...!... it could have gone very wrong, very quickly..!
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Thong: The thing is this wasn't a fight, but an attack. When two people are fighting it's somewhat different. Not that one shouldn't try to stop that either, but except for seperating them what can you do? When one is defenceless as that girl - you won't have to consider who to stop, there's only one being violent.
As I said, I'm pretty sure most of my guy-friends would've stepped in. I'm sort of curious to if there's another codex for hitting women in Asia than in Denmark....
Whether in Asia or in Denmark or in America, I'm pretty sure it's accepted that you just don't hit a woman. Then again, I did hear the other day from a friend that if a bunch of friends are having say, a seafood dinner, the women have to de-shell all the shrimp.
Let's be honest, domestic violence goes on in America and Denmark, it's just that they are done more as private acts, out of fear of public persecution. The legal systems in America and Denmark are also more institutionalized and hence, feared. The legal system in Viet Nam isn't quite set in stone just yet, and the police really aren't taken seriously, hence traffic violation, violence (domestic and non), can take place in a public setting without any fear of penalty. And since everybody still lives with their parents, all the violence, the sex (ie. cafes that allow making-out/sex) has to take place outside the home.
Well, it's no excuse, but it's also the bystander effect; there's been actual research done suggesting that the more people standing around watching an event like, the less likely it is that any one of them will actually step in and help. This phenomenon exists across cultures. That being said, I have never seen a woman beat up--in PUBLIC--but how many women face this in private? I think you may be right that these two knew each other.
Bystander Effect
I have witnessed the bystander effect and I understand it. The irony is that the idea that "my reaction is valid if it is the same as everyone else's" shifts from passive to active "when one or more of the crowd steps in to assist" [Wikipedia]. That is to say that equally innate in the human being as standing still when others stand still is reacting when others react. In other words, if you step forward, you will have backup. And two or three or six or ten people can kick the ass of any man beating a woman (or any person attacking another person in general) regadless of their genders or sizes. I realize - however - this is much easier said than done.
In every country that I know of (most likely including Denmark, but I haven't seen any data), 70-80% of violence against women is by their intimate partners. Probably he attacked her because she dared to leave him! The fact that it happened in a public place is probably because they aren't together any more. Violence against women nearly always occurs in the home.
It is also quite a recent phenomenon in the west (last 20-30 years) that people no longer regard such violence as 'private'.
I just got back from Saigon(HCMC)not long ago and experienced the same thing. I was in a taxi when I saw a guy punch a girl, she was crying and nobody got involved, it was as if it was normal. Everybody just standing around watching. I was shocked. My experience while in VN, I notice that the street culture can be more of a male dominant society and sexist too. Which isn't an accuse for hitting a woman, but I'm just trying to figure out why an incident like that happens and no one gets involved?
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